I should probably sit down and read the Dictionary from cover to cover. Why? I have found that despite my extensive background with English literature and reading, I am at a slight disadvantage when it comes to my Graduate Lit courses. Basically, when I speak in class I sound like an idiot.
The problem, I think, is rooted in the fact that I have not used these skills since graduating from Muskingum. That was almost a decade ago. I am not a High School English teacher, nor am I a Community College Professor. I don't study this material closely, and teach it, every day. I haven't looked at most of it for 10 years.
Others in my classes are either teachers, or professional students. They say brilliant things in class, examine the works closely and say remarkably well articulated comments.
They say things like, " What I found remarkable about this line in the poem was the use of juxtaposition between the conformity of American society in the heterosexual, nuclear family sense and the misogynistic viewpoint towards the suburban lifestyle and women."
It's not that I don't understand the words. They are not above my understanding, it's just that... well..
I say things like, " I related to this section of the poem where he talks about banks, because I work for an investment bank."
See the difference? I'm an idiot. Every time I speak up, my face turns hot, and I spend the rest of the class paranoid that I say the stupidest things-- and that I should just quit the class. Yet, I appear to be doing well thus far with the response papers. So, there's that.
Here's another way to look at it, a way that is probably a bit more accurate and truthful than "I'm an idiot"...
ReplyDeleteOnce people who talk like your classmates get high enough into academia, that sort of thinking and that sort of talking becomes all they know how to do. They have amazingly brilliant conversations among themselves. But for many of them, they will have no ability to let go of that massive vocabulary and brilliance and try to have a conversation with REAL people who aren't constantly surrounded by academics. Your classmates might be brilliant, but how many of them will use their smart words to make a difference outside of the ivory tower?
You, on the other hand, are different! The fact that you're in the class with them, understand and process what they are saying, and are doing well in the class, are all good signs that you are not an idiot. Instead, you're someone with more real-world experience, who interacts with different people on a daily basis, and has the ability (unlike some of your classmates) to connect all this high-level literature with the practical lives of the broader population.
Personally, I'd rather hang out with someone who can think deep but still converse with normal people. The vocabulary for talking with academia just comes with being around it longer.
Of course, I say all this being quite content with my undergrad degree...
Peter, thank you for this. On one hand I completely agree with you. When I was an undergrad English major, I noticed that I was slowly adopting this language you define so well as academia. I noticed I began alienating my other friends. I wanted to be a part of many groups and understand many cultures, not just the other English kids who I have always found to be somewhat pretentious. Around my junior year I made the conscious decision not to speak in this manner, but rather to relate to others on an individual level. I agree-- I like being different.
ReplyDeleteBut, sometimes I find myself in awkward situations in class and my professional career because I am so out of practice of accurately expressing myself that instead I stay silent.
I think there needs to be some balance-- and that is the struggle.
Yup, it's definitely a balance. I suppose the point would be, be glad that you have one effective vocabulary, rather than lamenting what you can still re-learn?
ReplyDeleteHi Andrea! I just found your blog and can't stop reading it, love it. When I read this entry I felt tender. I can relate to feeling insecure/judged by others over things such as not using as "big" of words as them. For example, I would never have the courage to write a blog because I might put a comma in the wrong spot or spell something wrong.
ReplyDeleteIn your previous entries you wrote two things that stuck out to me: the doors class should have been fun but instead nothing was being said except a show off party of who can sound the smartest. You also said you loved one of your classes because of the conversations you've had with your new friends and coworkers relating to what you are learning. My point is, don't withhold what you have to offer your classmates because you are scared of what they might be thinking of the words you choose. You are intelligent and have great perspective DON"T withhold it!!!!
Hang in there and break out of your shell. You are doing great so far :)